And I can't deny your eyes~

Taaaaaaaaaaakeruuuuuuu~

I'm bored. Got the weekend off again an' Mina's busy so... Wanna hang out? You can stay here an' we can play soccer an' watch movies an' go to the beach (it's still hot here - HA! XD ) so... Yeah! Please dude? I mean, we ARE friends, right~?

Okay so last weekend I went over to spend some time with my beautiful Mina <3 It was really nice an' relaxin' to hang out all weekend an' do nothin' much of anythin' t all~ We spent some time in Digi-world an' just wanderin' around, cookin' and playin' soccer with the digis an' pets, too! Ai-chan and Hanuman get on so well, it's kinda cute <3 She's growin' up so fat, you know! I took more photos.

( Ai-chan! )

Haven't heard back from Parma yet, I guess that's not a good sign but I dunno if I really care too much anyways~ Italy seemed pretty cool an' all, but I dunno if my brain can learn another language! I mean, three's enough, right? It's ME, after all! Any more an' I'll forget how to play soccer of somethin'!

Doesn't matter. I got three months at my place left still so I got at least two to work out what I wanna do next; Go or stay, soccer or food, France or Japan~

That I made a big mistake an' that it's gonna end up hurtin' people who don't deserve it. Did I make the mistake...? Yeah, I guess I did - Takeru might have left me for someone else, but that didn't mean I had to go off an' find someone else before I knew what I really wanted or anythin'. I'm so stupid, not brave at all, I didn't wanna be alone an' when I got the chance to help her an' feel important to someone else again...?

I took it like the stupid, weak idiot I am.

You can't read this, but I'm sorry - don't think I don't love you, 'cos really, I do! I just... I dunno if it's in the right way, you know?

I'm sorry.

So, Milan.

It was... Nice. The grounds are amazing, the training facilities are mind-blowing and the dorms are TWICE the size as they were at Saint Germain's! The whole place was just really way impressive and it would be just AMAZING to actually get a place there, but...

I dunno, Takeru kinda took the amazement out of all that and diverted it to himself instead - not meaning too probably, but still, he never really ever needed to try with me, you know? - whether I should have let that happen or not, it just kinda did an'...

I can't decide whether I'm allowed to think that's good or not. I'm with Mina now, I'm not supposed to wanna be alone with Takeru anymore, certainly not 'like that' - I mean we weren't, we didn't do anything 'cos no WAY would I do that to Mina! Even if I didn't know how much it hurts, I just wouldn't - but it was so like things were before it was weird knowin' they weren't that way anymore an'...

...

We had fun. We hung out, saw some sites, did our joggin' thing (that's going real well! I'll be fit again in no time! =o^^o= ) an' then we came home on the cycle, him holdin' on to me the whole way an' me tryin' to remember things had changed, things had changed, things had changed...

Workin' right now, on my lunch break, but I need to call Mina when I get back - I gotta see her, talk to her... I don't want Takeru back, I can't do that, not now, no matter how much I still care about him but I don't wanna lie to Mina, not for a second.

I should've gone. Takeru was right - friends after what we had is just too hard.

Sunday! I get Sunday off work an' I never know what to do since lots of stuff is closed - stupid Europe. Bein' bored is boring an'? It gives you way too much time to think...

Hey, 'Keru! You'll never guess what happened!

I GOT A CALL BACK TO PARMA!

Can you believe it?! But yeah! They want me to go down an' check out the stadium, club and dorms an' everything next weekend - fancy a trip to Italy?! Maybe it's weird me askin' you, but I don't think Mina or Catherine would really enjoy it an' it would be way more fun if I wasn't on my own, so...?

It's all paid for~! XD

Okay so not really done much of anythin' that's worth updatin' about lately~ Well, I've been hangin' out with Jun an' Catherine but we've just kinda been around the house, you know? I mean, Ai-chan is super-cute but there's only so many times you can type that, you know? ^^; That an' Jun STILL wants me to think that Mara wouldn't EAT her -_-

Other than that - work. It's pretty cool though. I mean, I like the people there an' I like the work an' I can take Ai-chan along an' I'm learnin' way much an' we can't forget the money I'm makin' while I have no time to go out an' shop for anythin'~ ^^ I may never go back to soccer again! Haha! As if! XD

Breaks over, so I gotta go - but yeah! I get Wednesday's an' weekends off so if anyone wants to meet up or whatever? That's when I'll be around ^^

Mina! Tatum! Catherine! Ken! Kelly! You guys, we should totally need to meet up tomorrow. 'Cos I have the day off. An' I get bored easy ^^ Who's in? We can hang out at my place or me an' Catherine (if you're free?) can come State-side to you guys I don't care - I wanna hang out with my friends~!

An' my awesome girlfriend, of course <3

I talked to Takeru the other day. It was Wednesday, before his party, and it was... Confusing.

Patamon was there, he said some stuff that... Well, it made it sound like Takeru's been havin' a real bad time, you know? An' that... That things would be okay again if we were back together. I think him an' Michael broke up, too. I dunno for sure, he said there was somethin' but he 'didn't wanna tell me 'cos it might confuse me' which... What the hell?! What does he mean?!

He said he talked to Hikari, maybe I should call her? I don't wanna go behind her back, but if he's got somethin' goin' on that involves me, then he should tell me, right?! I mean, he always said when we were together 'I'm not made of glass, I won't break so easy' an' now he's not tellin' ME stuff to proptect me for whatever reason an' it's drivin' me CRAZY!

It doesn't matter what he says, I'm with Mina now an' I really care about her, so...

I love Mina. I know I do. Takeru had his chance an'... Well, I don't wanna say he messed up, but it's gone now an' I wanna be with Mina! She's way awesome an' I love spending time with her! She's pretty an' kind an' carin' an' understandin' an' real strong, too!

...

WHY does everythin' have to be so hard?!

'Cos Tatum's been in Paris so me, her an' Catherine have been out an' about~! We've been shoppin' an' down the pool an' stuff - it's been AWESOME! <3 Been seein' plenty of Mina, as well - that makes me very happy *hugs* but yeah! Just basically been spending my evenin's an' my days off hangin' out with my girls XD

An' yeah, that does include Ai-chan! I've been mainly bringin' everyon to my place 'cos she's still small an' doesn't like bein' left at home on her own ^^; No-one seems to mind though - everyone loves her an' as fussy as she gets when i try an' go out, she really loves havin' new people to play up for an' with XD;

Also, she is so damn cute!



Tell me I'm wrong, I dare ya! XD

Other stuff has just been kinda... There, I guess. Gettin' used to livin' on my own an' rememberin' to pay the bills an' stuff~ Ai-chan's great company, even if she does hog my bed pretty much (She's worse than 'Keru was!) an' work's goin' great too! I just gotta... Make some big decisions now, I guess...

Sunday's are such lazy days~ Even Ai-chan has been quiet, she's all curled up ion top of me as I lie on the sofa watchin' the sports channel! Man, I love havin' my own place ^^

Everyone else havin' a good day?

Okay so I'm at work right now, so I gotta be quick an' like... NOT get crumbs in my laptop >_>

Awesome party, Jyou-san! I had a real good time! Hope you liked your present, I didn't know what to get but Maria said that was a really good vintage, whatever that means... Hey! You an' Yamato should save it for your next annivesary, you know?! XD It was great though - I kinda miss the beach over here~

Went to 'tousan's early the next mornin', made him breakfast in bed an' gave him a plane ticket so he can come see my new place in Paris without complainin'! I can't wait! He had NO idea what it was all in aid of though ^^; I told him, European father's day an' he just laughed, ruffled my hair an' told me I was quite the man of the world now XD We're gonna set a date real soon ^^

Also, as Mina said, she is now my girlfriend which makes me real happy an' rather pleased with myself XD I went over to see her in NY yesterday an' she showed me the animal shelter where she works? Dude,you should NEVER have done that! I seem to have ended up with a grey ball of fuzz now that is just way to cute! I have her here now, I couldn't leave her at home so Boss said I could bring her in her carrier an' he got a little corner of the staff room out back set aside for her - man, those two are too good to me ^^

( Welcome, Ai-chan! <3 )

Okay, break over, I need to get back out there. Mina! You free tonight? It would be cool to see you, if you can come over? I miss you~ <3

It's been a weird week... I mean, good an' bad an'... Confusin'.

I mean, first of all me an' Mina - it's been real nice.I mean, I'm glad! Glad like you wouldn't believe 'cos I really didn't know what I was gonna do or say but... It's real nice bein' with her so much an' not havin' to be all... Hidin' stuff, I guess. It does feel a little weird, but I guess that's just 'cos she's a girl an' nothin' like 'Keru, him an' the fact that he IS a he bein' what I've been used to the last four years, you know? Mina's so great though an' I'm... yeah, i think I'm happy again ^^ I really should thank her for that, I didn't think I'd be able to be REAL happy with someone else after me an' 'Keru broke up so I guess it's kinda a big deal, huh?

Then the party, that was... I don't even know! Mina was drinkin', much like everyone else, but I didn't really - just had a beer to seem social, you know? I had to go see 'tousan the next day 'cos it's father's day in Europe an' since I got 'Kaasan somethin' for European mother's day... Yeah. Still, everyone seemed to have fun, that was good - seems like forever since we all got together and just 'had fun'. Normally there's someone missin' or somethin' to talk about or just plain awkward~

There was skinny dippin', probably due to the alcohol, but I sat that out - way too many questions buzzin' around in my head to wanna be naked an' wet with two of the people causin' them, you know? I skipped the bottle game too - bad memories, I guess. Well, not bad, but I kinda don't need memories right now either, although I did some interesting things... cathrine and 'Keru kissin'... That was weirder than him an' Kenny kissin' somehow. Urg, I dunno...

'Keru and Yamato's song was pretty amazin'! Made me a little... sad, I guess... I dunno, I still really care about 'Keru, I kinda made my peace with the idea I always would, but seein' him playin' an' lookin' both happy an' sad at the same time... I dunno, should that still hurt? I talked to him later, he said things with him an' Michael were bad an'... Was I glad? No. I felt kinda bad that I was happy an' he wasn't. Is that weird? I dunno, Kenny came along then so we just kinda talked an' stuff - I'll have to catch him later an' find out more. I'm allowed to still worry about him an' want him to be happy, after all~

Finally, livin' alone is way harder than I thought... It's nice, havin' my own space an' an actually place I can call 'home' after the last couple'a years of not really havin' any such place to call that. But it's lonely too. An' there's lots to remember - like to pay the bills >_> I mean, most of the utilities are covered in the rent - like the net an' water - but not the electric so... yeah ^^; After a couple'a nights without it, I don't think i'll forget again!

The rest I guess I'll put where people can see, I wanna introduce Ai-chan to the masses XD She's so dam CUTE! I think Demi-veemon's kinda jealous... At least he can't say she gets better food than him, not after he figured she did an' actually tried it, anyway~

Well. I did it. I told her. I dunno, I've been real bad at writin' in this thing lately, what with movin', workin' more an' the whole electric thing gettin' messed up but basically... I told Mina how I feel about. Well, how I'm pretty sure I feel about her... It's kinda weird, it's not the same as it was with Takeru, but I still feel like it's right, you know? I guess I'll never get anyplace if I compare everythin' to takeru, though - it just can't come close, can it?

Nah, first love never dies, does it?

Still, I'm worried. Things have been gettin' worse for at home, her brother an' her dad just... Christ, it's horrible, so wrong! We talked a little yesterday an' she joked about runnin' away... I kinda really wanna believe she wasn't completely jokin'... I mean, sure I don't have a lot of cash right now, but I have my own place an' she'd be safe there, so...

I dunno, it's a way big step, I was with takeru for four years an' we never even talked about these things, but... We're all older now, right? If I had my own place then, I guess I'd have said somethin' so... I dunno. I just want her to be safe an' if she's with me? I can make sure she is, you know?

I need to talk to Steve, too. I mean, I met up with Mina an' i told her how I feel but... Even if this 'thing' with me an' Steve IS just sex, it still makes me feel bad about not talking to him first, so 'course I will - just when he's less sick. Which I hope is soon. I don't wanna hurt him, but I don't wanna drag anythin' out either, you know? I hope we can still be friends... he helped me a lot, you know?

*sigh*

Then there's Takeru. Somethin's up there an' he won't tell me. I guess he doesn't have to, but I thought we were friends? I don't ever not wanna be close to Takeru, but I dunno how we can be friends if it's just me thinkin' that way... He asked me what was wrong an' I told him. Yeah. I told my ex of four years I loved someone else before I told her AN' asked his advice! Isn't that proof enough he's important to me?!

I dunno why, but I think it's somethin' to do with Michael... He doesn't seem right somehow an' he's gotta be happy with school an' havin' his own place - he's wanted those things for way long now! It's gotta be him...

Unless...

No.

...


But yeah, the party, too. I don't think I wrote about that either, did I? ^^; It went pretty well. Team France helped me set up, Catherine was the perfect hostess (an' I was the perfect gentleman, givin' up my bed on my FIRST NIGHT for her) an' I think everyone had fun. Takeru helped me work out the washer-dryers downstairs, which wasn't so hard, but he left pretty early, the rest was okay though ^^ I wanna do somethin' like that again when I have more time but... We'll see.

I guess for now a lot of my time's gonna be taken up worryin', huh? ^^;

Dude, it's way late here an' I got work tomorrow at like... 7am? Urg. It's gone 1am, comin' close to 2am, actually, but I can't sleep an' I NEED to sleep but like...

Can't.

Yeah. House-warmin' party = pretty good.
Havin' own place = damn awesome.
Having to work twelve hour days = sucks.

Even more so three hours sleep an' no damn electric. Long story, at work now so I could update but yeah, my whole buildin' has no electric an' I can't sleep so I'm wanderin' the streets of Paris at almost 2am~

I dunno, somethin' to do, I guess...

*eats pastries*

At least the food's good?

Hahaha! This show is AWESOME!

( MY PLACE XD )

How awesome does it look?! =o^^o= I'm also real glad 'cos they have wireless internet in the buildin' an' the cost is included in the rent so I don't need to pay or get a phone line! I can just use my cell an' the net XD Most of the furniture was here already, but it's all pretty nice an' Catherine's gonna help me organize the odd bit later, when Christophe an' Henri go home. She says hey too XD

Oh yeah, before I go? House warmin' next weekend? Let me know if you can make it ^^

I GOT THE PLACE! I MOVE IN NEXT WEEKEND!

Went by today to sign stuff and part with my hard-earned Euros so I got a pic from outside! Gonna take more when I move in - SO EXCITED~! =o^^o=



TOP FLOOR, GUYS! The view is amazing~! This week is so gonna drag...

All the time I've been in Paris, I feel like I've just been kinda playin' at the whole 'independence' thing. I mean, there's a cleaner who keeps my room in order, I don't have to cook for myself an' there's always someone around to ask if I need anythin' so... Yeah. Kinda feels like cheating, you know?

But yeah! I just got back from Paris with Ken (he's here for the weekend, we're havin' way too much fun! XD) I dragged him around a few places which was fun an' then... Then we went lookin' at apartments. I talked to Takeru on... Wednesday? Thursday? I dunno, be he has his own place so I wanted his advice an' we narrowed it down to three places an' today we went to see 'em an'... Yeah! I found a real nice place! They said they'd hold it for the weekend for me then I gotta decide if I want it or not, if I do? I move next weekend! How cool is that?! =o^^o=

It's not massive, but it has a separate bedroom, just about fits the bed in there! The bathroom is kinda old lookin' but like I'll be spendin' much time in there anyways and the livin' room an' kitchen are kind in one. The kitchen's real small, but that's cool an' the whole place comes fully furnished of a six month lease for €750 pcm (that's around 99,400 yen) an' a €400 (53,000 yen) deposit, which is doable an' it leave me an okay amount of money from workin' at the cafe (plus tips! XD) at the cafe, too! I think I'm gonna take it, I really kinda like it a lot already! Oh yeah, it's on the top floor above two other places an' a shop, too! Not far from work an' has an awesome view of the park!

Heh! This probably seems kinda sudden, huh? Well, the soccer seasons ends next weekend in Europe an' everyone from the academy goes home. I can stay, if I want, the staff will be about but all my friends? Goin' home. My contract with PSG is up come October, so I gotta stay close by an' Ban (the manager) said I could work at the cafe over the break, so... I dunno, it all came together real quick an' i guess me doin' somethin' so fast like this isn't all that odd, huh? ^^;

So yeah! REAL excited! The place has a pool, too! It's out back, under-cover, which is awesome! I guess I'll think it over tomorrow an' call 'em in the evenin' but it's lookin' pretty set! House-party for everyone?! XD